Maroon
by Coffee-And-Valentines
Summary: Annie is a lone wolf, living in a small rural Texas town, harboring a terrible secret and an abusive living situation. Mikasa was always an open book despite her life of tragedy, or so everyone thought. The two meet and sparks fly, in a place where something this taboo is sinful, how will the two en devour? A modern day high school AU featuring a main Mikannie story.
1. Pisces

Annie woke to the sound of shattering glass. It was a familiar chime that resonated through the halls of a little, broken, squat house and rattled the cup on Annie's nightstand. Annie stared into utter darkness, the smell of ash and alcohol greeted her through the heavy, dusty air that dried Annie's skin and forced a cough through her trachea.

 _Same shit. Every morning._

Annie reached for the alarm clock seconds before it screamed at her, gently switching the annoying contraption off.

 _Alarm clock is off._

 _Here comes the fridge door._

A loud tremble fluttered through the walls of Annie's bedroom as the fridge door slammed shut.

Annie forced her heavy legs over the side of the old mattress, her warm feet hitting the cold carpet, sending a sharp chill up Annie's spine. Annie ran her fingers through her hair, staring at her plain grey shorts and oversized t-shirt, multiple loose threads making their way out of the seam and down her leg.

Annie sighed, savoring one last moment of safety before shuffling to her door and venturing into the musky hallway.

 _Now there's the coffee machine._

Seconds later the sound of boiling water and a certain distinct sizzle sounded from the pot in the kitchen.

 _He'll burn his tongue._

"FUCK!" A loud, dark voice ricocheted through the walls, a few moans and groans of pain walked around in the next room.

Annie turned right a yard from the kitchen into the bathroom, mildew had started growing up the walls yet again.

 _Disgusting. I swear I just cleaned this place._

Annie tried to wipe the grime off the mirror, as she did every morning, to still no avail. Maybe one day she'd finally catch a glimpse of her real self through the dirt and nicotine stains. She plucked the band off her wrist and promptly brushed the majority of her short blonde hair back into another plain bun, and as usual the few strands nearest to her face that refused to lay back on her head fell to frame her face.

Annie gave herself a judgemental sideways glance and brushed her teeth before returning to her bedroom. She opened a measly looking closet to a multitude of black tee shirts, tank tops and long sleeved sweaters covered in ash.

 _The cabinet on the left side will slam._

Sure enough, the slam of the cabinet sounded.

Annie slipped quickly out of her clothes, avoiding the standing mirror on the other side of the room. She was tired, and she didn't need to look again at her frailness. She pulled her grey skinny jeans and white hoodie over her body quickly, topping off her loser attire with old, nameless black, high-ankle shoes covered in duck tape. Annie stared at yet another hole peering out of the decaying fabric.

 _Great another hole._

Annie opened her hollow dresser drawer and reached for the duck tape she'd stashed there, rolling yet another makeshift patch over the bridge of her foot, Just as she'd finished the tape hit the end of it's roll. Annie stared at the skinless cardboard circle.

 _And now I'm out of tape. Great, what am I going to do now?_

Annie tossed the trash back in the dresser, closing her drawer in dismay, snatching her backpack off the floor and peering inside. She was running out of paper in a single notebook and two lonely pencils rolled around at the pit of the bag.

 _It's going to have to do for now._

She rummaged through her messy bed sheets and found the old CD player hidden under her pillow, quickly stuffing it and it's earbuds into her bag. Annie approached the door, staring, preparing herself for the morning ritual. She shot the clock a glance, it's digital numbers shifting from '6:49' to '6:50'.

 _The kitchen chair will be dragged across the linoleum._

A cringe worthy screech echoed through the old floor of the shed Annie called home, and the girl opened to bedroom door, counted to five in her head and turned left into the kitchen.

Annie's father was curled over the kitchen counter, a hand around a vodka filled glass, the other toyed with a Marlboro that filled the living space with a thin layer of smoke, the oak table top bore a grey scar where the cigarette's ashes fell. Annie refused to give him a second glance, she strolled into the kitchen quietly, grabbing her thermos out of the sink, reaching for the coffee pot.

"You outta fix that piece of shit Annie. Cooks the coffee too hot, burned my damn tongue again." The bass of the man's voice thundered around the two.

Annie silently filled her thermos, paying the drunken man no attention. She screwed the lid and turned to the rotting breakfast bar, snatching one of the two packs of cigarettes that sat on the counter and the black lighter which was set neatly next to the green one.

 _Slams his hand on the counter, right next to his glass._

"Where the fuck do you think you're going with those girl?" the man slammed is hand on the counter causing the crucifix necklace her bore to bounce around his chest and rattling the alcoholic soup sitting next to it, but Annie no longer jumped. Instead she kept her face expertly still and opened the drawer next to the dishwasher while her father was still affixed on her hands around the cigarettes. A small bundle of cash sat neatly in the otherwise empty space. It was inevitable that the man had taken what he needed to sustain his alcoholic ritual already, and rent was due today. Annie counted the rent money.

 _Maybe I could snatch something extra, get a new notebook or some pencils._

After the bills had been payed Annie counted an extra fifteen dollars and an odd amount of change, just enough for two packs of cigarettes and maybe a notebook, depending on whether or not they were still on sale.

 _And now the yelling._

"GOD DAMMIT ANNIE LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU!" The man howled, anger striking his facial features fiercely, "DON'T ME WALKING OUT HERE WITH MY SMOKES YOU LITTLE BITCH."

Annie slipped all of the cash out of the drawer and into her back pocket.

Annie opened the pantry, which of course, was empty. She shifted back to the counter, picking up the second package of cigarettes and the green lighter, she walked past the man, setting them on the table in front of him before continuing towards the front door.

"Annie, you get back here right now! Listen to your father you fucking cunt!"

Annie sighed, packing the cigarettes in her palm, throwing the plastic wrap in the garbage before setting the tobacco between her lips. She looked back at her father, sweat and alcohol covering the man's shirt, a stench so rancid and consistent that Annie no longer smelled it.

She turned her back to him, and as expected the empty glass cup zoomed just past her head, shattering on the wall by the door, the drywall's paint stained and molded from the never ending cycle. Annie walked towards the door, her father screaming and yelling in the distance. The girl opened the door and shut it delicately behind her.

 _Just another day._

Annie breathed deeply through her nose, the smell of grass a calm encouragement, the silence of early morning welcoming her.

 _Only not really._

Annie stared at the path leading to the river, her usual summertime route, and instead turned the opposite direction towards Rose street, towards Maria Senior High School, stopping by the mailbox to snag an unopened envelope which she tore and stuffed the rent money into, careful to leave herself the small amount of cash she could spare. She closed the lid and glanced up at the open window, her father glaring at her in an odd sort of disappointment from the curtains.

She glared back, blank and emotionless, turning her back to him and instead observing the open field around her, the dirt road stiff and frosted from a cold night.

Annie lit the cigarette and burned her tongue on her coffee.

 _Like father like daughter._

Annie shook her head at that thought, plugging her headphones into her Walkman, listening to some random MCR album on repeat. She walked through the fog and hanging Texas humidity silently, staring at the ground, a small nicotine bliss calming her nerves as she smoked.

 _Just one more year, and then, maybe I can ditch this town._

Annie looked up at the sky, it's murk and depression smiling back at her.

 _I can go somewhere better, and maybe just be..._

Annie titled her head, turning the bend towards Maria High, stepping on the sidewalk, venturing back into a measly town and away from her father's farm.

 _... ordinary._

She'd always imagine the sweet day that she held the diploma in her hand, and more importantly liberation from the sick and twisted hunting grounds she called home. Annie would claw her way out of this small conservative town, and live somewhere she'd never seen before. Places where the sky was challenged by the skyscrapers and no one asked questions, because no one cared. She could be swept along with the herd, unnoticed and unnerved.

Annie passed faces she didn't bother to glance at, stopping at the corner and looking up at Maria High from across the street. The school itself was large and square, covered in fresh white stucco, a large and saintly looking cross adorning large wooden doors. It was considered a Christian school, but in a town with under 5,000 people no one bothered with uniforms of any sort, even the teachers wore casual clothing and still used names such as 'Missus' and 'Mister'.

A large man in a suit stopped beside Annie, she glanced at the golden watch on his wrist and dropped her head, dragging her cigarette nonchalantly, wearing it to the filter before tossing the bud on the ground and smashing it with her duck taped shoes.

"You know Ms Leonhart, smoking on school grounds is punishable by a three day suspension." Principal Erwin's voice boomed next to her.

Annie stared at the bud.

"Technically sir, I'm not on school grounds." Annie hadn't heard her own voice in so long, it felt strange on her lips.

Erwin stayed for a moment, sighing in defeat.

"It seems you aren't." The man shuffled across the street, and Annie waited until his figure disappeared into the horde of students on the other side of the street.

Annie stole one last blank stare at the sky before stepping onto the street halfheartedly, she had been to concerned with her thoughts to noticed the blue pickup barrelling down the street. The vehicle slammed on it's brakes, searing the older asphalt, the smell of worn brakes burned Annie's throat. She glanced over at the driver and was met by the glance of one of her classmates.

Reiner Braun, just another good christian football player, large and intimidating. His brows furrowed with anger and the truck swerved to pull up in front of Annie, Reiner was hanging out of the window. His golden hair looked dull due to the morning's drear and cloud. Annie peeked past him, catching his companion's eye.

Bertolt Hoover and Reiner Braun were connected at the hip. Both football players. Reiner was a bit fiercer, Bertolt on the other hand had always seemed like a friendly giant. Since grade school Annie could catch Bertolt staring from across the room, an obvious, pointless crush. While Annie couldn't reciprocate the attraction she could feel sympathy towards the blue eyed boy.

"Hey Annie, you should really take out those headphones every once in a while, I just about ran you over." Reiner shot Annie an oddly mixed glance of friendliness and sternness.

Annie shot the duo one last glance, careful to avoid their eyes.

 _It must be nice. To be so close. Know each other's minds like your own. Share every secret._

But Annie could never bring herself to that level of understanding with another soul, at least not in this town.

Annie let her head fall again, twisting the volume knob on her headset all the way up, her eardrums rattling, before walking around the front of Reiner's truck, into the crowd to be swept through the halls.


	2. Aries

Mikasa stared in the mirror, her heart thundered out of her chest where it was trapped. She ran the brush through her hair, watching it fall at her collar. This place was still foreign to her, an unwelcoming sanctuary. Mikasa stared at the portrait of Jesus Christ hanging by the bathroom door, its presence making her palms sweat.

 _What a creepy expression of faith._

Mikasa adjusted her scarf and clothing. Nothing was quite the right size, all hand-downs left by the previous occupants of the Trost foster care home. The long sleeved black tee was slightly too big and kept falling off her shoulder to expose her striking pale skin below.

 _Better not let Shadis see that._

Just the thought of the homeowner, Father Shadis, seeing Mikasa in anything less than prude sent shiver through her spine. The preacher was a strict Catholic, and he let everyone around him know the strength of his faith.

A knock on the door snapped Mikasa out of her thoughts.

"Jeez Mikasa open up you know Armin and I have to get ready too!" Eren's shrill voice rang out from the other side of the oak.

Mikasa splashed her face with water once more, attempting to calm herself.

 _It's stupid really, being nervous about things as pointless as a new school._

 _Or a new home._

 _Or a new town._

 _A new everything._

Mikasa tried to shake the nerves out of her head, adjusting her dark red scarf with care. She opened the door and the shorter boy pushed his way past her.

"Thank god. What did you do, take a sponge bath?" Eren closed the door, leaving Mikasa standing in the hallway.

She turned and walked towards the stairs, making her way into the kitchen, the counter tops gleamed in the morning sun, so clean they seemed sickly sanitary. Every window was so clear that the interior of the house glowed like some asylum from a horror flick, the white carpets bore no sign of human interaction, white walls stared blankly, plain, dustless furniture appearing to have been bought that day slouched glumly around Mikasa. She sat at the table, reminding herself to sit up straight and to pull up the sweater that again had fallen off her shoulder. Father Shadis was rummaging in the kitchen, when seemingly out of nowhere he set a full breakfast on the table, setting three places.

"I expect you children to be to school promptly. Make sure those two boys wash themselves, they reek of Satan himself."

"Yes father." Mikasa said blankly, staring straight forward, into the eyes of a virgin Mary shrine adorning the wall.

Shadis turned to leave, stopping loudly in his tracks.

"And pull up that sweater. God forbid you go to school like that."

Mikasa pulled the sweater back up quickly, cursing her narrow shoulders and the largeness of the sweater. Shadis's steps dissipated into the distance, and once the door closed behind him Mikasa let out a relieved sigh, allowing her shoulders to slouch, the sweater settling back into it's position past her bicep.

Quietly she loaded her plate and poked at the meal, her stomach twisting and turning with anxiety.

 _Some town this turned out to be._

Armin pulled out the chair next to Mikasa, sitting upright and straight faced.

"He's left already."

"Oh, good." Armin let his posture settle and stared at his plate, "So are you nervous about starting school?"

Mikasa shrugged.

"You know it's alright to be nervous, about something so... normal. It's kinda nice you know?"

"I guess so."

Mikasa had to admit, compared to the situations she'd faced in the past, starting over at a new school seemed pretty easy.

Eren's footstep thundered down the stairs, and the boy ripped a chair from the table, grabbing the food he could and eating with the fierceness of a starved dog.

"Eren you should really be more careful, if Shadis was here-" Armin was cut off by Eren, who spoke with a mouth full of food.

"Fuck that guy." Eren continued to eat, spilling orange juice on his forest green tank top.

"Eren you have to respect the guy, he is giving us a place to stay while we finish school. He could just throw us on the street you know, and it would be legal. We're 18." Armin casually adjusted his white button up, "And next time you want to wear a bro-tank to school you ought to wear a jacket in the house. Shadis will kill you."

Eren paused, wiping his mouth with his wrists and grabbing his already empty plate.

"That guy doesn't deserve my respect, running around, shoving his faith down people's throats. He's always telling us how to live our lives, how to dress, how to sit, how to speak- like I said before, fuck that guy." Eren dropped his plate in the sink noisily, gripping the counter in rage.

"Eren don't be so childish. This is our last chance to finish school," Mikasa pulled at the scarf again and looked over at her green eyed companion, "If you won't behave for your own sake than at least do it for Armin and I."

Eren scoffed, leaning against the counter and glaring at the oven clock.

"Yeah okay whatever, come on guys we're gonna be late if we don't go now." Eren turned towards the door, snatching his bag off the counter and swinging it over a single shoulder.

Mikasa shuffled to the sink and followed her adopted brother suit, snatching her own bag off the counter, Armin followed behind her. The trio walked out of the house to be greeted by the mist and dampness of early morning.

"Why of all places did we get dumped in a small Texas town? This blows, I want to go back to the city, where there is actually something interesting to look at." Eren scoffed, the morning dew fogging in front of him.

The sidewalk itself felt humid, the town's tininess was admittedly cluttered and claustrophobic. Hell, Mikasa could see the pointed tip of the high school from the front porch. Mikasa snatched her Ipod from her pocket, plugging in her earbuds and a mix tape of the three's music jumbled together into the back noise of Mikasa's world as the three walked towards the school, Eren and Armin babbling about the climate and populous of their new home.

* * *

"Mikasa just go don't be weird." Eren hissed at Mikasa through clenched teeth.

Mikasa let her eyes fall, she was just nervous and didn't want to be alone, she didn't have a single class with Eren, and only one with Armin.

Mikasa pulled the red scarf closer to her face.

 _Alone, in this..._

Mikasa stared at the white walls of the innards of Maria high school, a certain dread settling in her stomach.

"Mikasa we couldn't even request a schedule change if we wanted to, the deadline was a week before we even got here." Armin looked at her with large, sympathetic eyes, "Don't worry, you can keep the Ipod all day, I know it helps you calm down."

Mikasa nodded, watching the two boys walk away. She took a deep breath, focused on the floor and settled into a nonchalant facial expression, walking into the room with her head down, she scoped the her first hour homeroom from an empty seat.

The room was buzzing with energy despite only housing a handful of students, while the attention in the room should have been draw to a horse faced boy showing off his muscles through a football jersey, or a pony-tailed, brown haired nerd who was eating a school breakfast ferociously, or a beautiful little blonde girl reading quietly, Mikasa's eyes drifted to the back corner. In the last place anyone normal would pay their attention to, was a small blonde in a white hoodie who sat frighteningly still, doing nothing at all.

 _Its as if she purposefully drives attention away from herself._

To Mikasa, that was something worth giving attention to. The girl kept her eyes fixated on the carpet and slowly she lumbered into the open seat next to the girl in the white hoodie. Mikasa turned the volume of her Ipod up, careful to only catch glimpses of the girl out of the corner of her eye.

She could see an old and worn set of earbuds dangling from her ears, accompanied by equally worn eyes, iced blue and unfaltering. The girl's face stayed expertly blank, a large pointed nose and small, lightly colored lips gave her a certain menacing look, but Mikasa couldn't help but find she was looking at a kindred soul. There was something... hidden. A sort of mystery that cloaked the girl in anonymity.

The bell rang, and Mikasa nervously pulled a notebook and pencil out of her backpack. She didn't even know what homeroom was supposed to be, some sort of study hall? Who knew?

A short man with piercing green eyes sat in his desk at the front of the classroom, a large white cross dangled below the equally white cravat. The man glared at the students with a look of complete discontent, and once everyone sat he let out a muffled groan.

"Alright then, now that you cretins have settled maybe I can take attendance." The man spoke with a certain hollowness, Mikasa couldn't decide if it was malicious or just completely and truly indifferent. The man started reading off names at the pace of a three year old, pausing to throw in comments like 'Why on god's green earth would I be cursed with you in my class again' or ' I swear I asked Erwin to remove you from my roster permanently'.

Mikasa hands were shaky, her vision glued to the cross dangling around the man's neck.

 _If you are real, please, please, don't let him point me out._

"Mikasa Ackerman." The teacher looked up at the girl, his eyes narrowing, "So you're the new girl, from the city if I was informed correctly."

 _Thanks a lot, you imaginary old man in the sky._

"Yes sir." Mikasa stared back blanky at the man's orbs of emerald.

"Cool the city?" A small boy with a buzzed head turned to Mikasa with unmatched excitement, and with him followed the gaze of every student in the room.

Mikasa felt her bones stiffen.

All but one set of eyes were laid cruelly upon her. Through the side of Mikasa's vision she spotted the blonde, whose eyes hadn't moved a single centimeter.

"Yes." Mikasa stared back at the yellow eyed boy.

"Which city? New York? LA?" The boy looked like he was about to jump out of his seat.

"Chicago."

The room erupted with questions, and Mikasa looked around wearily.

"Wow cool! What are the skyscrapers like?"

"I heard people walk around naked in the city, is that true?"

"Are all the streets paved?"

"Are there bums in the city like on every corner?"

 _Seriously, what is wrong with small towns?_

The questions ceased as the instructor pounded his fist on the table, the sudden noise made Mikasa jump the slightest, and her pencil rolled gently off her desk, across the plain carpet and into the blonde girl's foot.

"That's enough about the city. Mikasa, I am Mr. Acker, but my students call me Levi. I find no chivalry in titles."

Mikasa nodded, and the man resumed his specialized, insult based version of role call. Her head stayed still but her eyes flew to the pencil that sat against the foot of the tiny girl slouched next to her. The girl's stillness persisted, a pair of winter white eyes focused intensely on the piece of graphite laying on the floor.

 _What kind of a look is that? Annoyance? Debate?  
_

Mikasa looked at the pencil, but focused on a surprising site.

 _Her shoes..._

Whatever was left of a shoe was unseen past a layer of black tape, most of it rotting and filthy.

Mikasa reached for her pencil, hoping for a better view - maybe she was just seeing things? But the cold metal bar connecting her uncomfortable chair to an equally unpleasant desk prevented her side from extending, and her fingers dangled inches away. Without the pencil however, Mikasa got her better vision, the girl's shoes were completely demolished, and by the looks of the awkward tape job also a few sizes too small. Mikasa recoiled into her chair, staring at the desk.

 _Like its any of my business._

"Could you -" Mikasa started to ask, but the girl had already snatched the device and held it out to her, her eyes again focused somewhere in the distance, her arm extended somewhat aggressively.

Mikasa took the pencil delicately, watching the girl's arm retreat a bit too fast. The blonde returned to what seemed to be her natural state of stillness.

"Thank you." Mikasa toyed with the device, sneaking another glance.

 _It's none of my business._

Mikasa observed from afar, the demolished shoes, the grey jeans that stopped before her ankles, the slightly oversized hooded shirt that hang limply as if the threads had been worn to a thin strip of cloth. Everything about the girl seemed old and neglected, from the state of her clothing to the circles under her eyes. Only when Mikasa squinted closely could she see the start of a bruise creeping up the girl's neck.

"Do you mind?" The girl whispered harshly, her face never moving.

Mikasa bowed her head, a slight blush flooding her face, she'd been caught staring and she struggled to keep her face unnerved.

"Sorry. I just couldn't help but notice..."

Mikasa watched to girl's face turn to hers, the girl clenched her jaw, something still hidden behind the stillness of her eyes.

"... that you have a CD player. A walkman, right? Those things are rare, I haven't seen one since I was a kid."

 _Nice save._

The blonde looked down at the player in her lap, her jaw relaxing the slightest. She ran a single hand over the top of it, as if she was debating her response.

"I suppose I never thought about that, it is a bit old, isn't it?" The girl's voice was smooth and dark, almost melodic.

"Serves it's purpose." Mikasa relaxed, the blush retreating and her usual state of nonchalant settling back into it's home in her chest.

A few sour moments of silence passed.

"Annie Leonhart." Levi had to look around the room three times before he saw Annie's raised hand, and unlike the rest of the class he moved on without another word.

 _Annie._

The girl sat perfectly still, and the world around her continued to buzz with energy, as if she could blend seamlessly into the back noise.


	3. Gemini

**WARNING: This chapter contains very graphic depictions of violence, including domestic abuse and self harm. Please read at your own discretion.**

* * *

Annie's hands were sweating, her jaw clenched in what was an odd and sour mixture of fear and excitement, one demanding to be chosen over the other.

 _Why does she notice me? Why did she have to sit here? Why did she have to pay me any attention?_

Annie's head was spinning, she'd held the act for so long - was it all for nothing? A single set of pitch black eyes could undoubtedly destroy her entire charade if they looked close enough. But something about the way the Mikasa's face held itself, the simplistic, ordinary way she maneuvered the world around her, was something that made Annie's eyes itch with the urge to stare back.

 _No. You cannot indulge in something so... pointless. Staring turns into talking and talking turns into companionship which is unacceptable in any form._

 _I must protect myself, I can't risk accidentally revealing myself._

Levi finished his role call and cleared his throat.

"Right then, now lets go over our verse for the day," Levi scratched a number and line on the chalkboard, and the class pulled their bibles out from under their chairs, "Today we will be analyzing Leviticus 18:22, as well as 20:13"

Annie's blood ran hot, she was more than familiar with the verse. Her hands burned around the book as she opened it's cover.

"Right then, Jean Kirstein, since you're so enthused with chatting why don't you read 18:22."

The boy turned from the small blonde he'd been whispering to and sighed, clearing his throat.

"Yes sir. Man shall not lie with man as one lies with a woman, it is an abomination."

Annie clenched her jaw, fixated on the words of a prophet that were laid in from of her, the words that she'd pounded into her head a million times, the words that kept her mouth shut and her eyes blank. These words were the words that had defined Annie's life, the words that turned her into a lonely, empty hearted, shell of a person.

 _Because I'm not like the rest. Because I have this, disgusting... monster inside._

"Mikasa, would you care to share what your interpretation of this passage is?" Levi looked up from his copy of the book.

A few moments of silence turned into a minute, Mikasa's failure to promptly answer the question turned the heads of the class. Annie's own curious nature was nipping at her eyelids, and she stole a single glance through the corner of her eye.

Mikasa stared at the short man at the front of the class, a certain unwillingness to answer draped her face, something... sorrowful. The girl hid it under a blanket of indifferent stillness, but Annie knew better. Annie could see the spark of fury in her eyes, the slight pinch of the frown in her face, the hint of pale that dominated her already porcelain skin.

"The passage is condemning homosexuality, sir." Mikasa replied coolly.

"Good," The man shifted his gaze away from Mikasa and the rest of the class followed.

Annie however, stay for a moment too long, stayed to see the way the girl's eyes seemed to shatter, the way her blank face suddenly affixed on an unknown point of origin. She watched as Mikasa curled inside of a protective shell.

"Connie, how about you, whats your interpretation?"

The small boy leaned back in his chair, "It blatantly states that homosexuality is an abomination, and in 20:13 it also states that faggots should be put to death via stoning."

Annie's stomach twisted around the words, and she returned to her blank stare, but she could still see the way her classmate's faces twisted in disgust, she could still see the way their skin crawled at the mention of words like _'lesbian' 'same sex' 'gay'._

Annie pressed the earbuds into her ears and rolled the sound wheel of the walkman all the way up, but she could still hear the words that were thrown like daggers.

 _Faggot._

 _Disgusting._

 _Abomination._

 _Sinner._

 _Monster._

Annie built her walls and watched an unaware room of faces attack the enemy hidden within. Annie stood as still as humanly possible, she closed her eyes for a moment, and she imagined that she was nothing, mere empty space. She opened them, and it worked, the world buzzed around her and without her intervention it continued to spin. As long as she could stay still and hidden, she was safe.

Annie peered through the corner of her eye and spotted the black haired girl next to her, who sat strangely still, as if she too was hoping that the world wouldn't pay her any attention.

* * *

When the bell that marked the end of homeroom sounded, Annie was out of the door before it's tone was finished, slinking and maneuvering the hallways with a certain stealth. She turned the opposite direction of her second hour, towards the cafeteria and watched the maintenance man open the vendor machines.

 _And now the sneaky smoke break._

Annie's premonition came true as always, and before putting the bagged goods back inside the machine the janitor shrugged his shoulders and lurked towards the adjacent doors. Annie glanced around once, knowing that the rest of her classmates wouldn't swarm this area of the hallways for another 30 seconds. The girl quickly took towards the boxes, her backpack was unzipped and filled within seconds, she took whatever would fit and re-zipped her bag, she was already a good six meters away from the boxes by the time a single student entered the large open space.

One advantage to being back in school was that food was much easier to find.

Annie let her mind drift, navigating the hallway with sly expertise, and despite the attempts she made to clear her head she replayed the picture of Mikasa on repeat.

The way she tugged her scarf over her chin, the way her eyes drifted, the way her lips tightened.

Something utterly familiar was engraved in Annie's head, but despite the continued attempts to connect the dots she couldn't create a full picture.

* * *

Annie en devoured three more horrifyingly ordinary classes. It was autopilot at this point. Sit down, copy the board, take note of the homework, mind your own, get up and leave. It was a simple, easy ritual, and so far Annie had been lucky, aside from role call her teachers hadn't given her a single glance, so the pressure of answering questionnaire and discussing in an unnoticeable fashion was avoided entirely. While the events of her day played out familiarly and ordinarily, Annie still couldn't shake her fear and excitement that had been triggered hours earlier in her homeroom class. Her mind had drifted back to Mikasa once every five minutes, her head a buzz and her thoughts unorganized. The terror of this was that Annie was no longer in control of her mind, the one thing in this life that was truly hers and hers alone to command had been falling out of her grasp all day.

 _What is wrong with me?_

The lunch bell rang and Annie practically jumped out of her seat, heading towards her usual lunch spot. She made her way across the building, out the side doors and across the student parking lot where she jumped the fence. On the other side was a small a median which lined the road. Annie made her perch on the curb as usual, shuffling through her backpack to asset her loot. She pulled out a bottle of water and sighed. Annie didn't enjoy the stealing, but it was a necessary evil. Without the skill to steal she'd acquired, she would have been dead a long time ago thanks to a self centered parental figure without the decency to feed his own child. At that thought Annie ripped the lid of the bottle off a bit too hard, the liquid splashing on her shoulder and the plastic crinkling under Annie's strong grip.

 _Get a hold of yourself._

Annie took another long inhale, slipping the cigarettes out of her bag and plopping one on her lip, watching it's end ignite and breathing in the harsh smoke that scorched her throat but soothed her headache. Annie stared at the sky, in contrast to the morning's cloud and chill the sun was now hot and unforgiving.

She glared at the clear blue sky, over and over again she tried to understand why Mikasa's face continued to flash before her.

The stillness of the face, eyes affixed in a far off place, a better place.

Annie bit her lip, the dots connecting and the painting coming to life.

 _Is she like me?_

Annie shook her head, she couldn't afford such a ridiculous thought, she was almost there, she was almost done with this stupid town. She couldn't afford to wonder.

 _What a stupid idea._

Annie's stomach turned, she couldn't dare to even compare herself to Mikasa.

 _This monster is mine, and mine alone._

* * *

When the last bell of the day finally relieved the students from the clutches of school, the building burst with a rush of rowdy high school students. Kids ran to their cars to try and beat the traffic, the sidewalks flooded with activity, worn faces of teachers shooed the stragglers. Annie however set her own middle ground pace, letting herself be swept along with the crowd. She let her eyes again fall to the sidewalk and waited until the second she was off school grounds to ignite another cigarette.

Once the fear of being noticed as a straggler was left behind her, Annie slowed her pace greatly. The more time she spent on her walk, the better. Dread was creeping up Annie's body with every step she took. Annie turned away from her home, towards the corner store, the stupid little bell ringing as she stepped inside. Annie walked up to the counter and the cashier already had two packs of Marlboro reds ready for her. Annie slipped the ten dollar bill out of her pocket, keeping the change that the cashier returned to her. Annie continued to walk, drawing out her journey as long as possible by taking side streets and alleyways in circles, turning her ten minute walk into a 25 minute walk. When she came to the edge of her father's farmland she stopped, staring at the rotting wood and wire fence, the faded dirt road, the endless fields of sorghum on either side of the road. Her house was a good two miles down the road, hidden by the towering brown plants and a winding road.

A footstep in the dirt road snapped Annie out of her mindless gazing, and Annie peered over to see a mop of black hair and dark grey eyes whose gaze fell on the ground. Mikasa shuffled right past Annie, heading away from the farm and towards the highway, where a good 80 miles of nothingness lead to the next town. The girl was obviously lost, her eyebrows pinched in awkward wandering. But still, Mikasa continued to walk.

Annie sighed, she could let the girl wander, get lost, and she'd turn around eventually. Or Annie could redirect her the other way and save Mikasa a long walk and a painful Texas sunburn.

 _Don't risk it. Don't risk letting her see that you care about her or anything else in this world._

But Annie couldn't help a certain craving that was pulling at her eyelids. She watched the girl walk away from her, black hair swaying, a red scarf dangling over her shoulder, broad shoulders and a tall physique that gave her a strong appearance.

She looked around, double checking. They were alone after all, what was the harm in helping?

"Hey," Annie watched the girl halt in her tracks, but she didn't turn, "Hey, Mikasa right?"

The girl finally turned, her nervous face now blank and nonchalant.

 _She does it so easily. Lies to the very world itself. Lies to her own face._

"Are you trying to skip town? Cause you'll need more that an iPod and school supplies to get there." Annie looked up and down the girl quickly. Long legs, square hips, a certain athletically graceful hourglass shape to her torso, medium breasts. Attractive.

Very attractive.

Annie almost forgot to conceal her blush, turning her face away from Mikasa.

 _Get it together. Control yourself._

"What?" Mikasa looked slightly confused.

"There's nothing left of the town that way, you've already passed everything. If you keep walking that way you'll end up leaving town, after about 80 miles of highway that is." Annie let her face turn to it's usual pale and looked back at the girl, watching the girl's grey eyes widen slightly.

"I had no idea, I just kept getting lost so I picked a direction and starting walking that way, usually worked in Chicago. I never guessed that a town could be this small." Mikasa pulled at the scarf, avoiding Annie's eyes. "Thank you, Annie."

Annie nodded, watching the girl turn back, she stopped next to Annie.

"Would you mind telling me where the corner store is?" Mikasa asked with a certain concealed nervousness.

"Go straight until Rose street, take a left and it will be on your right, two blocks down." Annie turned away, stepping into the threshold of her father's farm to create a greater distance between the two, her stomach knotting in nerves and a certain unmatched terror.

"Annie."

Annie turned to look at the girl, who had finally let her eyes meet Annie's. They were pure black like the night sky, something endless in both area and color. Mikasa looked as if she wanted to say something, but had changed her mind at the last second, a question hanging on the valley of her lips that hadn't been voiced but itched with attention and a need to be answered. Just as fast as the expression had appeared, it vanished into indifference.

"I'll see you tomorrow, in homeroom. Thanks again." The girl turned quickly, and Annie watched her silhouette walk into the distance.

Something was eating at the back of Annie's mind, something about Mikasa. Annie imagined walking to class tomorrow and seeing the girl again. A smile crept onto Annie's lips.

She'd almost forgotten what it felt like for her lips to bend in such a way.

* * *

Annie stared at her front door, preparing herself. She walked quietly through the threshold and entered the living room where her drunken father sat on the couch. The rancid small of alcohol hit her like it always did when she first came home after a day of living in normalcy. Or at least, as close to normalcy as Annie ever got. Annie kept her eyes fixed forward, bee lining for her room.

"Annie," The loud male's voice boomed right as Annie's hand hit her doorknob, "Grab your gloves girl."

"I don't have time for this." Annie spoke to her father for the first time in months. She wasn't going to play his game, she had homework to do and school the next morning.

"Did I ask if you had time girl? Go get the fucking gloves."

Annie pulled on the door, throwing her backpack on the bed. She debated with herself, she could do as he asked, grab her gloves at be compliant to save some time. He'd probably pass out close to eleven, giving her at least an hour to do her homework. Annie pulled her cigarettes out of her pocket and lit one. On the other hand, Annie could clise the door and take her chances with the man's level of sobriety. Annie toyed with the tobacco in her hand and turned for the door, prepared to close it when the man rushed the hallway, standing right in her door frame before the small girl could get to it's handle. The man stared down at her, his face twisted in rage.

 _Damn it, he's not giving up tonight._

Annie stared back into whisky raged eyes, her own blank and unfeeling. She took another drag and blew the smoke into the space between them.

"Listen to your father Annie." The man growled.

Annie stepped towards her dresser, pulling open the bottom drawer which housed only a single pair of boxing gloves. They were lightly padded and fit her hands with a certain snugness. It was the only thing her father had ever given her and the only thing he'd ever taught her to do.

Annie slipped them onto her hands and stood, her father leading the way.

"Come on then, you know the drill." The man disappeared, his footsteps rattling the hallway's walls.

This was Annie's chance to close the door, and she took it - jumping to the threshold and slamming it. The door bore no lock but the message was clear. Annie had no chance of keeping the man out. Annie again set the cigarette between her lips and backed away from the door, just in time for the larger man to come barreling through it.

"God dammit you fucking bitch!" The man lunged at her, and Annie stepped expertly out of his way, letting the man stumble.

Annie now knew for sure that her efforts would be fruitless, he'd had his usual amount, not nearly enough for Annie to get off easy.

Annie set the cigarette on the windowsill, not wanting the small flame to cause any damage. She gave herself a good five foot distance away from the man who was crawling back to his feet. She gave her wrists a small stretch and waited until the man met her gaze, once his rage met her hollowness she raised her fists, mimicking the technique the man had instilled into her as a child. She raised her arms and sat back on her stance, watching the man who towered over her fall into a mirror image.

The man stepped forward, closing the gap between them, his fists clenched and his back curved.

Annie took a long breath, preparing herself for the sick and twisted game that demanded to be played, refusing to let the man see the fear in her stomach, the anger in her heart. She maintained the gaze they'd established, and let him see nothing but the emptiness of her mind, the hollow, unforgiving indifference that dominated her life.

The man grabbed her wrists, bringing them closer together.

"Closer together, protect your face." The man returned to his post, throwing a few fake shots that Annie blocked easily, he was too was preparing. "Better."

The man stepped back, swinging for the girl's head, and Annie quickly stepped back. He left himself exposed for a moment too long, and Annie threw her fist, the man dodging by mere inches as expected, he re-wound himself - making a break for Annie's side. The girl again mimicked the man's evasion pattern and slid past his outstretched arm, taking her seconds of advantage to kick for the man's feet, a trick shot that any normal human would have fallen to, but to her mentor it was mere child's play. He raised his leg, and just as Annie tried to retreat back the man stepped down on her ankle, pressing it to the floor in a nauseating twist. Annie was too preoccupied on the pain of trying to pull her ankle away she didn't see the man's fist bear down on her cheek. Annie heard her nose snap, and felt her head hit the floor, hard. The girl's senses blurred for a moment, and she rolled onto her back just as the man was about to kick her side. Annie rolled quickly, jumping back to her feet. She could feel the blood pouring past her lips but she maintained her facial features, the pain motivating her stillness.

 _Don't let him see. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he's influenced you._

The man again grabbed her fists.

"Watch me. Never let your eyes leave your opponent's." The man stepped on her ankle again to mimic the moments before, "If I got your ankle here..."

The man stepped down, hard enough to force Annie to clench her jaw, pain crawling up her entire leg.

"And you look down - then you won't see me coming." The man let go, stepping back and gesturing to his eyes, "Look here, and you can see everything. Eyes on me."

Annie followed as instructed, falling back into her stance, the taste of hot iron on her lips. The man had started wobbling on his own legs, his speech slurred. He was getting close, only a few more minutes now.

The two began again in their dance, he would throw and Annie would dodge, Annie would look for weaknesses just as the man had taught her and he would anticipate every shot, they fought until sweat was drizzling down Annie's forehead and the blood from her nose had dried to her upper lip. Annie's arms burned from the constant movement, her legs stiff from the tiresome dance. The man finally started wobbling badly, the most recent drink setting in. Annie took her shot, kicking the man's legs out from underneath him and watching him fall to the floor. Once the large man hit the floor, his eyes rolled back and he let out a long groan. Annie stared down at him, watching his eyes spin drunkenly.

Annie took the man's arm, hoisting his weight over her shoulders and dragging him across the floor, the large man slurring curse words and stumbling uneasily. Annie pushed him into the room across the hall, kicking open the door that no longer latched due to the common ritual. Annie let her father go inches away from the bed, watching the grown man stumble into the bed like a child. He passed out the second his body hit the filthy mattress, and Annie peered over him to ensure that his head was turned to the side, and she shut the door, holding the handle for moments afterwards, letting the events of the past hour wash over her as they always did.

For a second Annie felt nothing, her entire body numb, her mind empty, her heart beating too fast. She stared at the handle her gloved hand caressed and clenched her jaw. This was her life, the only thing she ever knew. Fighting. Fighting with her fists, fighting with her emotions, fighting with her attraction, fighting with her face.

Annie's whole life was fighting, and she didn't even know what for.

For being born? For being a lesbian? For being alone?

 _Why? Why do I have to fight? Why can't I just live?_

Annie lumbered down the hall and into the bathroom, stopping at the site of her face in the mirror. Her nose was bleeding down her face, her hair had fallen from it's bun, and yet her eyes stayed blank. She stepped towards the dirty glass, touching her nose tenderly, feeling along the fracture.

 _It's my fault._

Annie ripped the gloves off her hands- throwing them to the floor, she slammed her hands against the mirror a bit hard, the glass rattling against the wall and a loud boom echoing through her home. For all she was worth she tried to comprehend the life she called her own. She tried to understand why all she knew was pain and restraint, why a girl could be born to love another girl, why a father would hit his own daughter with such ferocity.

 _It's because of me. Because I'm not like the rest. Because I'm a disgusting faggot. That's why I can't get too close, that's why I'm still here, fighting. Because I can't ask for help, because I'm weak._

Annie stared at the blank expression of her face, she wasn't sure if she even knew how to let the emotion onto her face. She waited for rage, sadness, madness, anything to make an appearance, but she was met by her own emptiness displayed for all to see in her icy white stare.

"I hate you." Annie whispered, watching her own face speak the words back to her.

* * *

Annie washed the dried blood from her face, finding the ice pack in her freezer and pressing it against her face to down the swelling. She was a true expert at this point, ice for the swelling, a hot shower and a hard compressed overnight bandage for the bruising. Annie shuffled through the house, a cigarette dangling from her lips as she reset the kitchen for another ordinary morning. She set the coffee pot to brew at it's regular time, setting a coffee cup on the counter next to it. She swept the ashes off the kitchen table, closed the pantry doors, and finally placed two packs of Marlboros on the counter, finding her father's green lighter to place atop one, placing her own black bic on the other.

Annie grabbed her backpack, finishing her homework, letting the ice do it's job. She ran herself a hot shower, the liquid turning her skin a bright red. But Annie didn't mind the burning sensation, it was almost comforting.

Annie's eyes drifted the the corner of her tub, where a small carpenter's blade made it's home. The metal was calling her name, her skin itching. Annie shot a glance at her arms, ladders of lash marks crawling up her skin. Assorted white keloids from long healed cuts, bright purples, darker reds and the freshest was a group of five lines that were still open and healing. Annie toyed with the metal in her fingers, stretching out her left arm and readying herself for a strike. She let the metal graze her skin, watching her porcelain skin tear apart to reveal the flesh beneath. Her breathing steadied, and when she was finished she tossed the blade back into it's corner, watching herself bleed on the white tiled tub.

Annie's mind was again at ease, and in that moment she was in complete control. She closed her eyes and was a master of her mind, her sexuality, her home. Nothing could touch her, she was free to do as she pleased, free to speak, free to love, free to live in peace. In that moment she could imagine herself, ordinary.

Annie opened her eyes and stared at the carnage she'd inflicted upon herself, and knew that ordinary would never be possible.

 _Because I'm not like the rest._

 _Because I,_

 _Am a monster._


End file.
